20 Geek Jokes the Masses May Not Get

1) There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

2) If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0

3) My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

4) Roses are #FF0000
Violets are #0000FF
All my base
Are belong to you.

5) Microsoft: “You’ve got questions. We’ve got dancing paperclips.”

6) I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

7) The box said, “Requires Windows 95 or better.” So I installed Linux.

8) In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

9) Hand over the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk.

10) You know it’s love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead.

11) Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny.

12) Linux, DOS and Windows…the good, the bad and the ugly.

13) Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

14) How do I set a laser printer to stun?

15) Failure is not an option — it comes bundled with Windows.

16) People say that if you play Microsoft CD’s backwards, you hear satanic things, but that’s nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install Windows.

17) Windows had detected you do not have a keyboard. Press “F9” to continue.

18) Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

19) SELECT * FROM users WHERE clue > 0
– returned 0 results

20) There is no place like

Geek Software of the Week: Better than Photoshop? Well…

This week’s Geek Software is “Paint.NET.” It is a class project from MIT that has continued since being developed in a .NET programming class. It is written in C#. The idea was to make a “better” Microsoft Paint. They added in layers, and it has grown to nearly (but not quite) Photoshop proportions! The nice thing is… unlike Photoshop, it is FREE!


You won’t regret checking it out!

New PodProducer Web Site

As you know, I am a HUGE Open Source fan! And I support Open Source efforts! The latest move in that regard is my hosting the site of Alfredo Romo, creator of the excellent Open Source software for recording podcasts called “PodProducer!” The new domain name is:


It is great to be able to do something concrete to support such excellent Open Source efforts! Way to go, Alfredo!

Dr. Bill Podcast #4 is out!

The Dr. is in! And he is grumpy! Find out why this week!

Dr. Bill Podcast – 4 – (10/01/05)
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Broken Shift Lock on my Laptop (Grrrrr!@#$), October 1, 2005 (25 years of ethernet), Microsoft celebrates its 30th anniversary, 25 years of color tv sales?!? (Nah.), 10th anniversary of eBay, Lego 50th anniversary, 100 years of Relativity (Einstein), $100.00 laptop designed at MIT, Giant squid pictures on CNN and all over the web (Nemo would be proud), Firefox is #1 in PCWorld.com’s 100 Best Products of 2005, Serenity – “more engaging than any of Lucas’s recent screen entertainment?”, Does oil regenerate?, Knoppix 4.0.2 DVD Released, New version of Podproducer-But it doesn’t work (Grrrrr!@#$), Write a Mac OSX virus and get $500, Acryllic .. Flash Killer?, VISA and Mastercard told they do not have to send out notices for stolen credit card numbers!

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Too LOW on Cholesterol?

The cool thing about being a curmudgeon is speaking your mind even when it contradicts “common wisdom.” Doctors today (who are mainly working for the drug companies trying to sell tons of drugs) are constantly harping on “lower your cholesterol, lower your cholesterol!” However, cholesterol is a naturally secreted substance in the body. God designed it to “plug” cracks in the walls of veins and arteries, for instance. If you drop it too low, you can have issues. For instance, check out this article:

Low Cholesterol A Problem?

Have you noticed that at one time 200 was considered a “good to excellent” level… now, it is 170! And, most people can’t get down to 170 without… guess what? Drugs! I wonder why the “good” level was lowered? Hummmmm… yeah. Drug company sales. So what is the “right” level? I would say whatever the level would be if you ate right, got the right amount of exercise, and got plenty of water. Whatever is right for YOUR body!

Geek Software of the Week: Azureus – Java BitTorrent Client

Wikipedia says of BitTorrent: “BitTorrent is the protocol and the name of the peer-to-peer (P2P) file distribution tool written by programmer Bram Cohen and debuted at CodeCon 2002. The reference implementation is written in Python and is released under the BitTorrent Open Source License (a modified version of the Jabber Open Source License), as of version 4.0. The name ‘BitTorrent’ refers to the distribution protocol, the original client application, and the .torrent file type.

With BitTorrent, files are broken into smaller fragments, typically a quarter of a megabyte each. As the fragments are distributed to the peers in a random order, they can be reassembled on a requesting machine. Each peer takes advantage of the best connections to the missing pieces while providing an upload connection to the pieces it already has. This scheme has proven particularly adept in trading large files such as videos and software source code. In conventional downloading, high demand leads to bottlenecks as demand surges for bandwidth from the host server. With BitTorrent, high demand can actually increase throughput as more bandwidth and additional ‘seeds’ of the completed file become available to the group. Cohen claims that for very popular files, BitTorrent can support about a thousand times as many downloads as HTTP.”

Azureus – Java BitTorrent Client

This is an excellent Java client for BitTorrent with lot’s of great features. Try it! You’ll like it!

Will Google Take Over The World?

Once upon a time, there was a young upstart company called “Microsoft” that set out to destroy the monopoly held by the giant of the computer world… a company called… IBM! Little Microsoft made some fairly smooth and innovative moves back then, and the giant IBM fell! The masses cheered that the giant was dead, and the young, more friendly, upstart was heralded as “the next big thing!”

This may sound like a fairy tale today… but I remember this story! It REALLY happened! Microsoft used to be an insignificant upstart compared to IBM. Now, IBM has “eased out” of Personal Computing (even selling their popular ThinkPads to Chinese Lenovo!) NOW, Microsoft is the giant that everyone hates… and Google is the up-and-coming upstart. Will history repeat itself?

Google’s Plan to Take Over the World!

I say, “Probably so!” Especially if Google comes out with a Google Linux Desktop with integrated WiFi. Dewd. Hide and watch!

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