The 2005 Darwin Awards

OK… so maybe this doesn’t fall under “computer”… it does fall under “curmudgeon!” I have long called humans by the pronunciation used by the Ferengi on Star Trek, “hoo-mons.” These are cases of some “hoo-mons” that are muddying the gene pool! Here are the 2005 “Darwin Awards”:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach…California…would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder….He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again… This time it worked.

And now…the honorable mentions…

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat slicer…He submitted a claim to his insurance company…The company…suspecting negligence…sent out one of its investigators to have a look for himself…He tried the machine and lost a finger…The chef’s claim was approved…

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space…Understandably…he shot her…

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar…a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped…Not wanting to admit his incompetence…the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride…He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital…telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies…The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days…

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train…When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit…

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K…put a $20 bill on the counter…and asked for change…When the clerk opened the cash drawer…the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register…which the clerk gave him…The man grabbed the cash and fled leaving the $20 bill on the counter…The total amount of cash he got from the robbery…$15…

7. An Arkansas man wanted some beer…So he decided to throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window…grab some booze…and run…Lifting the cinder block over his head he heaverd it at the window…Unfortunately…the window was made of Plexiglas…and the cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head…knocking him unconscious…The whole event was caught on videotape…

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store…a man grabbed her purse and ran…The clerk called 911…and the woman was able to give police a detailed description of the purse snatcher…Within minutes…the cops nabbed the suspect…put him in the patrol car and drove back to the store…The suspect was told to stand there for a positive ID…to which he replied…”Yes…officer…that’s her…That’s the lady I stole the purse from”…

9. The Ann Arbor News reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti…Michigan…at 5am…flashed a gun…and demanded cash…The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order…The man ordered onion rings…The clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast…Frustrated…the would-be robber walked away…

10. A man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street…Police arrived on the scene to find a very sick man curled up on the ground…throwing up…Police say the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline but put his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake…The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges…saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had…

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